As you wipe it

Well, things have slowed down a bit on our YouCaring site, but we are still getting a few readers and kind souls donating every day. We are in crunch mode for finding a rental for the next year (unless by a miracle we raise enough for a down payment! Ooooooh, how I am hoping for a miracle), and our lives are getting intensely crazy again. This blog will provide some much needed comic relief for me, and I hope you find some sense of happiness/peace/humor/insert-adjective-of-your-choice in it, too!

My latest poll results are in, and according to the majority (3 votes, which I'm quite certain are all from Mark Brandt), you want to see a post about toilet paper.

"I want a paragraph regarding the thought process you use in regards to the decision making process you use for toilet paper purchasing"

So, you really want to know how my brain works when deciding to buy toilet paper? It goes a bit like this...

"Crap. No one filled the toilet paper holder? Why can't my 2 year old do this, yet? Oh, maybe she hid it in her room under the bed. Nope. There better be some in the closet. Nope. Seriously, Aaron? You can't tell me when there's none left? Maybe we should just order this off Amazon. Maybe it's cheaper. Nah- what if we run out before the next delivery, then I have to buy more at the store anyway."

Photo

Log onto Target to check coupons... 153 coupons later, there's only one coupon for the most expensive toilet paper so I wasted 10 minutes and now I'm getting annoyed. Check the Cartwheel app and find 5% off Target brand TP.

"Alright, so I guess we'll just get the Up & Up kind again. Aaron said he hates that kind... we can't afford fancy TP- his butt will just have to man up. Was there a coupon for Up & Up products online?" Return to computer to check, get through 140 coupons and Lili slams the computer shut.

"FORGET IT!"

Head to Target, spend 20 minutes in dollar section wondering what I could use in the classroom, decide not to spend any money on my classroom, pick up some baby food, check out baby clothing clearance, put everything back I pick up, check if any food is on super sale, check every clearance end cap in the store, check out with baby food and fruit snacks, get home,

"CRAP. I forgot the damn toilet paper. &!)#($#*@O@$!!!!!!"

Repeat process and hopefully remember to bring it home instead of leaving it under the cart.

So there ya go, folks. That's how someone tries really hard to save money on everyday items, and ultimately saves a ton because she forgets to buy them. Good thing we subscribe to paper towel on Amazon...

"So, you're not busy at all!"

Thanks to all of you, our YouCaring site is over $3,000. We are so incredibly thankful and so warmed by the messages you all are leaving us! Some days can get really tough around here, and you have all brightened our moods when we really needed it-- like after yelling at Lili to not ride her sister or the cat or the bookshelf like a horse for the 4,298th time that day. We're gearing up to go back to work full time (because, you know, teachers DO work during the summer) and searching high and low for a new rental (our new landlord still hasn't called us... hmm), so our lives are getting crazy again. Hence, the following post:


When people find out that
A) I'm a teacher
B) I have a 2 year old
C) I have twin 6 month olds
D) They are all girls

I get a few of the same responses
A) So, you must not be busy at all. Muahahahah
B) So, you must not be tired at all. Muahahahah
C) Was it natural? Or were you on fertility drugs? Sometimes followed with: Oh... I'm sorry- is that asking too much?
D) God bless you.

The general public has always been naturally inclined to offer me far too much information, and I'm sometimes at a loss of how to respond. When purchasing formula at Target the other day, the cashier informed me that her boyfriend had planned a really romantic night for her, but thanks to a bout of diarrhea, as well as her dog battling some form of cancer that also caused him to have diarrhea, she was going to have to cancel and she felt really shitty about it (badumdum... I don't think she caught her own word play). Oh- and you're buying a lot of formula! Twins? Wow, were you on drugs? Natural? That must have hurt.

Where am I going with this nonsense? To let you know that it's back to school time! In just a few days we will officially return to work and my life will be a whirlwind of "Mom" "Mom" "Mrs. Jones" "Mrs. Jones" "Hey, teacher!" "Mom- I mean, Mrs. Jones" and I might hear "Diana" from Aaron if we run into each other whilst stocking and changing diapers or blindly hitting at each other when our "snooze" alarm has gone off for the 8th time (ahem, Aaron). I LOVE teaching and I am so excited to get back into my classroom and see my kids and coworkers, but this also means that I will have a hard time updating this blog daily. I promise to commit to at least once a week-- and will squeak in some more if I find a few extra minutes a day while avoiding grading papers or planning lessons or if I won a round of rock, paper, scissors for the poopy diaper change.

And please, if there are any topics you'd like to see me write about, comment or message! In the spirit of returning back to the land of cell phones and selfies, I shall leave you with this gem.

Twinsies first selfie

"So, what are you going to do if you don't raise all the money you need?"

Both of my sisters have asked the same question, "So, what are you going to do if you don't raise all the money you need?"

There's at least another 4 people out there wondering the same thing according to our poll (those who side with Aaron and don't believe we will reach 150,000 friends to donate a dollar... boooooooo)

Valid question. And here is the answer:

With the money we raise, we will buy a house. Someday. We have about 1/4 of the amount we need for a down payment, and it will probably take us at least a year (or more) to be able to save the rest. Hopefully, during the year the blog will continue to find readers who can spare a dollar and share our story. We are going to save the money everyone has so graciously donated and still put it towards a home for our family. We are still going to honor our original post and welcome anyone into our home, whether you donated, shared our blog, or didn't. I envision one room with a wall on which we list the names of everyone who helped us out! I also envision Aaron's friend Henry drinking a lot of Aaron's beer since he is in the lead for getting a keg of homebrew ;)

Undoubtedly, we will host some type of very fun fundraiser so that we can pay it forward and help others find a home of their own, too. When the time comes, I'll be looking for your ideas/help in planning the events!

So, for all you pessimists out there... you have your answer.
For all the optimists on my side, I look forward to meticulously painting your names on the wall in our guest room and having you over!

What do you mean it's not normal to have a pet raccoon?

Now that I am getting so many readers on this blog, I figured it might be nice to give you a glimpse into my past-- then maybe you'll understand why we're asking for help in getting a house on our Youcaring site! If I can make you chuckle at least once, please consider donating and/or sharing :)

Here are just a few things that I thought were normal until I was... oooooooh, let's say 12.

Having wild animals as "pets" for any given time-- racoons, squirrels, bluegills, frogs-- and giving each its own unique name-- as well as litters upon litters of kittens born in your closet/bed/laundry basket (sorry, Perky- sorry, PETA)

KITTENS!

Having enough money to go to the car races with my dad, but not enough money to go on a field trip for school

(I was maybe just a little bit of a daddy's girl...)

Having a lot of things we didn't need flying in and out of the house (go-karts, motorcycles, snowmobiles, pin ball machines) because my dad would barter and haggle at flea markets and then sell it on us right when we fell in love with something... gotta pay the bills somehow?

Never going to the dentist and using baking soda for toothpaste- THEY MAKE TOOTHPASTE?!

Never going to the doctor unless a bone was showing-- we must have been really healthy kids

Having 6 different types of carpeting in your living room to make one big carpet because your dad's best friend hauled junk and brought it over in case we could use it... we could always "use it"

Having 6 different types of mushrooms growing out of your closet carpet (not to be confused with growing mushrooms in your closet)

Wearing your brother's hand-me-downs (I was a tomboy, so no big deal...) and not laughing at your brother wearing your sisters' hand-me-downs

I'm laughing now, though.

Being EXTRA careful walking on your patio because it "might" (meaning will) fall into the lake -- 3 stories below.

Getting a job when you're 12 and henceforth loaning money to your parents...

I always thought that I would write a book about my ridiculous adventures in growing up the poor product of a northwoods lower class family, but there just hasn't been time for it. I also am not very good at organizing my thoughts in a coherent way. It might come out better as a picture book- but that would scare a lot of kids, so that's out.

Just like many poor kids, I never knew we were poor. I still don't think of my childhood as "poor" because I had a lot of fun. A lot of unsupervised, naughty fun. Because, when your parents are busy working all day, it doesn't matter what you're doing as long as no one NOTICES what you're doing. Combine that with being the youngest of 4 siblings, and it's almost like I didn't exist!

My parents moved to Woodruff, WI when I was 8 months old and bought a "Ma and Pa" Hotel. Well- my Grandma (bless that woman) bought it for them. The first 14 years of my life were spent at Country Lane Motel* (which we fondly recall as Country Lane Hellhole). It's no secret that both of my parents struggled with alcoholism, a disease both of their parents battled as well. However, they were fun-loving, compassionate, generous pepole who raised 4 really great, hard-working kids (who are only a little bit bitter about these events). They didn't make much from the motel because they were kind, albeit poor, souls who would often "rent" out rooms to the down and out to help them get back on their feet (do you ever notice how poor people are typically the ones helping out other poor people? Go us!). Because we owned a motel, we all started working early. I trailed my mom to clean motel rooms every day, helping make beds, vacuum, wash windows, etc. Of course, we didn't get an allowance- it was just expected we helped with this and the other chores-- like "axing wood" as I called it at the ripe ole age of 7 (yes, my dad gave me an axe when I was 7 AND I survived and kept all my extremities).

*Side note-- the foundation of the house at the motel buckled, causing the patio over the water to begin slowly dropping piece by piece into the lake (scaring the crap out of me-- and a lot of fish-- nightly) and further leading my parents to have to move out- leaving them no profits from the crappily built establishment. You have to know, this place was their dream-- and a lot of people had a lot of great times there. They hoped to leave it to one of us kids (since they couldn't give us much else but debt). But after working so hard for so many years to barely keep their heads (and patio) above water, the city declared the motel house condemned and the insurance company denied their claim and dropped them. Thank heaven for Grandmas because she once again loaned my parents money for for a place to live.

There's Grandma walking me with "The poor kids' backpack-leash: A chain."

Since I wasn't getting any money from Mom or Dad, I got a job working with my mom at a nearby restaurant when I was 12 (because poor people always have more than 1 job). Dishwashing. Gross. As soon as I turned 14 (you know, the legal age to work), I applied and got hired at Dan's Minocqua Fudge. PS when the managers are away, EVERYTHING gets dipped in chocolate and shared among the workers. I worked there for the next 5 or so years-- but like most things in the northwoods, it was seasonal. I picked up random jobs here and there, and finally landed a serving job at Paul Bunyan's. Talk about a great place to work in the summer!!! It's crazy busy and crazy stressful, but ends up being a pretty well paying job when all is said done-- the only major repercussion is that you can't scrub the smell of ham and syrup out of your skin to save your life (I think when it gets really hot out I still emanate this scent). So, you'd think that with all that working through middle/high school, I would have saved up some, right???

Well, after paying for my own things like toothpaste, razors, groceries, (if my parents didn't need it, they didn't buy it), my clothes, my car (how I loved that $800 Subaru that Mark Brandt ran over a bucket in- ya jerk),  and then a computer for college, I didn't have much left. Cue the college years (yah, I'm going to leave out A LOT about the life I lived under 18- mostly to spare my family)...

My first taste of freedom tasted a lot like exhaust!

What's crazy about going to college is that if you aren't poor enough by someone's crazy standards, you don't get much in free financial assistance BUT you do get offered a lot of loans. Now, I know, I should have been a lot smarter about how I "paid" for college, but I was a broke-ass kid with no idea how money worked or what words like "subsidized" or "private" or "loan" would mean for my future... I just knew that I could go to college. Hooray!!! Sign me up.

Let's skip ahead some more. I get my BA in English at UW-Milwaukee while working ridiculous hours serving and bartending, then my dad dies (alcoholism is an ugly disease) and I need a life change so I move to Asheville and work 3 jobs, then I move back because those 3 jobs weren't paying the bills, so I get my Master's and become a teacher in Milwaukee and occasionally still bartend, and am still working to pay the bills that just keep piling up!

I met Aaron 6 years ago, we got married 4 years ago, we had a baby 3 years ago, we had two more babies this year (surprise, TWINS!), and we have not been able to save a dang penny (see our list of misfortunes in the original post-- also add that the rear car door won't open from the inside and Aaron creeped out some Uber riders when they couldn't escape yesterday. Yes, YESTERDAY we discovered the car handle is broken COME ON.). It's not that we haven't tried REALLY hard. We have. But every time we start to get ahead, we fall behind again.We pick up extra jobs and do research studies (you won't believe the number of fish sticks I've eaten for $50), we cut costs as much as we can, but we are both products of the lower class (sounds nicer than saying "poor people", hey?). If you have no idea what that's like... well, read this blog by John Cheese and you'll understand even more why saving money is so hard.

My kids are crying, my husband is crabby because my kids are crying, and that means it's time for me to go. If you want to see any more posts about any particular subjects from above, comment and let me know! Thanks for reading, hope it makes sense- now a child is licking my face- until next time...OH, and I better end this by saying I LOVE YOU, MOM!!!


-If you like the subjects in this post, you really ought to check out The Bloggess- she's my blogging hero-- she also had pet raccoons.

And I thought I was a tough grader

Usually, I'm the one calling out my friends and family for using the wrong form of "your" or "their" or not following the very serious and important pronoun-antecedent agreement laws that "each" person should use while "he" is writing. But since starting this fundraiser, MAN, have some of you made me feel like I got an "F" on my project.

Let's take a minute to explain and defend my blog and project title.

The House Your Dollar Built

You're right. We are not planning on building a house. That would be super fun, but not likely to happen here in Milwaukee. You're right, I should have called it "The House Your Dollar Bought". But, ya know, there's no nursery rhyme out there called "The House That Jack Bought"

(Copied from this link)

So, I went with "built".

I also went with "built" because you will be helping us build a home. Money "buys" things... and you simply cannot buy a home. A home is a place where you watch your babies grow up into door-slamming teenagers, where you fall more in love with the balding man who snores next to you every night, and where you can actually lock a bathroom door to pee in private. Your dollar isn't just "buying" a house, it's building a home. And I'm sticking to it.

That and the Internet tells me I can't edit the name.

And to further my defense, I'm going to rewrite the well-known (is it?) Mother Goose rhyme to fit our story.

This is the house your dollar built,
This is the malt
That lay in the house that your dollar built
This is the guy
that brewed the malt
that lay in the house that your dollar built
This is the donor
that joined the guy
that brewed the malt
that lay in the house that your dollar built
This is... the longest rhyme ever,
so come drink a homebrew,
or eat a piece of bread,
that was made in the house that your dollar built!!!

The end.

So this is what it's like to be famous

Okay, so I have no idea what it's like to be famous. We definitely are not famous, BUT I felt famous this morning.

The day started as usual, the cat yeowling outside our door for some attention, the babies giggling and singing and then, 4 seconds later, screaming to eat, a toddler toe nearly up my nostril (snuck in again), and my husband snoring. I tackled the double feeding this morning and spent time thinking about how overwhelming and crazy yesterday was--- we were on the news. WE WERE ON THE NEWS. What would that mean for us today?

As soon as Lili trotted into the living room declaring "Pooped", I showed her our video. Well- I changed her first, THEN I showed her the clip. I don't think she liked seeing herself on screen because she declared it "Boring" and then closed the computer.

I told Lili that we had over $1,000 dollars on our YouCaring site and she started spinning in circles and then ran for her (okay, truth be told, a share is held by each girl) piggy bank. "Try get new house, Mom?" She makes my heart melt. She asked to go to the bank to give her money for our new house. That and to get a hot chocolate and play with toys... but whatever, what a kind soul she already is!

We obviously need to take the pointer everywhere now to ask "What's that?" while pointing at exciting things like rocks and fire hydrants. She also dresses herself these days-- and thank you Aunties for the ridiculous clothes she can pair together like these fine troll pants and Willie Nelson tee.A couple at the bank had a real good laugh at her expense.

So, while I'm standing at the bank wondering if anyone recognizes us from the news, it occurred to me: I should probably shower and get ready for the public now. Oops- lesson learned.

We head over to the gas station to cash in a winning $5.00 lottery ticket a family member donated, and a man behind us handed Lili* another dollar!!! Dude! Thanks!!! 

*This reminded me of the time I took Lili to the bar, Paulie's Pub, when she was 6 months old (hey, I was with a coworker who was taking me out for food!!!), and a sweet old man sitting behind us gave me $2.00 to put in her piggy bank. I hope this means my girl will not have money worries in the future... I also hope random men giving her money is not part of her career, though...

So, we're home and I just get done changing the 3rd poopy diaper of the day and am filming this cute 

video when our doorbell rings.

I peek outside and think "Oh, that must be the new landlord" and brace myself. When I open the door I see a man holding a Sendik's bag and a dollar. "Come on in!" I say. "Oh... okay, why not!" he replies.

He is not my landlord.

Turns out he is a neighbor from a couple streets away who saw our blog (I shamelessly posted on the NextDoor app- thanks Jackson Park neighborhood, you rock!) and popped by to give us a dollar AND some sourdough bread. "I hear your husband likes to bake." 

What?!?! Aaron was in the shower and I barged in to tell him what happened... "What do you mean some guy just showed up?" I tell him the story and he responds, "Well, did you give him a beer?" I did not... I was so taken off guard, but I did tell him we'd drop off some bread next time Aaron made a loaf ;) I guess we (and I mean Aaron) better prepare some bottles of beer in case we have more guests.

I'm in the safety of the house now, but Aaron is out driving for Uber. I wonder if he'll have some crazy stories to come home with??? Stay tuned, folks. 

We weren't bleeped out by a tornado warning!!!

Hooray!

Our luck might be changing. As we prepared to see ourselves on TV for the first time ever ("if" the camera adds 10 pounds... I hope it does) tornado warnings also began bleeping out pieces of the news. I laughed and said, "You know that will happen as soon as our piece comes on"... secretly, I was hoping it would so that I wouldn't have to hear my own voice. Alas, we weren't bleeped out and we were on the news- and Aaron was crying, a lot. I think they really liked to show him crying, and I liked it, too- he's soooooo sensitive ;)

I also had to giggle because my friend Jaynee messaged: OMG! Im watching the news right now and I was like… Oh dear lord, please don't put Diana’s story directly after this family whose veteran dad just got murdered during a car jacking and the mom is left home now with her four children, one being a brand new baby and one being a toddler who needs to get to chemotherapy and now they have no dad, no car, and no income.

Right? I can't believe the horrible awful things that happen in this city... in this world. My biggest worry about this fundraiser is that people will look at us and say "You don't need the money" or "You can just get another job" or "F. you. f'ers". or something mean. I don't deal well with negative people who rain on parades-- we know that there are so many people in the world who need so much- and we want to help them all, too (we are teachers after all). That's part of the whole idea here, you help us and we pay it forward!

So we were on the news. Here's to hoping it reached a couple of people... and here's to hoping not too many of my students saw it and will be calling to make fun of me ;)

See our interview here: 
http://www.cbs58.com/story/29828610/teachers-crowdfund-for-new-home-asking-for-1

Good things happen because of good people

Let me preface this post by saying I feel like I just drank 984 shots of espresso because I am still nervous and I still can't get my thoughts straight!

Now, to backtrack.

While I was still in a haze and feeding Emmi in the early morning hours, I checked our YouCaring site and saw we had over $500. You guys... Good things happen because of good people. I cannot believe how many amazing people have donated to help us get a house-- how many people we have never met who have given incredible amounts of money. I do not have the words to show my thanks right now- because I'm in shock- because we were interviewed FOR THE NEWS.

What?

My pessimistic husband decided to share on Twitter and started following all kinds of people. One person happened to be Sachelle Saunders from CBS 58- AND SHE TWEETED BACK!!! We had a crazy busy day of running errands, having out of town family visit, having my nephews over, brewing beer (Aaron gets a day to himself once in a while) and simply keeping sane with our 3 girls. We had a couple of hours to mentally prepare for an interview and I was so nervous- I'm still nervous. I'm pretty sure that word vomit spewed from my mouth and we will look like total tools on the news BUT that doesn't matter because they took the time of day to come talk to us and help us out. We are SO thankful for that. Sachelle was so incredibly kind and friendly, I am hoping she comes back to hang out in our new digs some day! Her camera man was also SUPER awesome and we had a really great time with them. It also turns out Aaron cried. On camera. He's going to cry on the news (I was outside trying to keep kids entertained). I guess he's really sad about the prospect of being wrong... that or he just really cares about our family.

Currently, my 2 year old is on a time out in her room screaming that she is a "good girl" in an exorcist voice, so I have to get her out in 1 minute. I will be back tonight to update, to share pictures, to read comments, etc. I just had to tell you all that we are going to be on CBS 58 tonight... and please don't judge us too much, we already did that ourselves ;)

I've tried it all, Ellen.

I forgot to mention that while I was planning my first post in my mind while feeding a twin somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, that I was going to start off by telling you all how many times I've entered Ellen DeGeneres contests CONVINCED she would pick me. In the last round of entries a couple of weeks ago, I had to post why she should pick me... I included a list of the horrible, no good, rotten luck we had been having since February--like having a baby in ER followed by an emergency surgery on mom the next day, our van getting hit and totaled, my husband being excessed from his summer job, Lili's second round of strep and terrifying butt shot-- and then I entered again 2 days later and got to add on 2 more things -  like our second Craigslist dryer breaking (try drying all that baby laundry outside) and the wheel hub breaking off our car . It has come to the point that we just laugh at our bad luck because it's all we can do... and it's also to the point that I've realized Ellen has way too many fans for us to ever get picked. A lot more people need a lot more stuff than we do. But then I realized, Ellen has a lot of Facebook friends. And, hopefully, some of those Facebook friends have a dollar to spare!

So- in the spirit of Ellen, I need to leave you with silly pictures of the girls to encourage your love and support of us. Here you are...

This one embodies the feelings of us all this summer :)

Thanks everyone!!!